Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i think my mom watched the whole time
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
