my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hippo gnu deer
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
