If i come over, it means nothing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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