You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
