i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
