i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
