I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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