Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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