Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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