i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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