don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
