then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize