i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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