I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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