i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
