last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
