College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So here I am, sexting at work.
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