I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize