Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Mom said you looked used
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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