Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
