so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize