I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
