So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
