Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
