Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Randomize
