so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
