It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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