Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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