The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
