I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
