I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
