oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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