highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize