gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
