dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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