I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
