I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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