I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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