I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
