I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
