Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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