I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Randomize
