Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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