I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
