I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
