no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
