The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
