so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
