the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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