I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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