I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
