at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize