My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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