PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
