Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize