just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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