I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
