We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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