Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize