I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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