just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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