sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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