Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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