Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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