Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
