Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
