I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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