On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
