I haven't been this sober since birth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize