I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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