Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Two words: blizzard sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
