I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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