i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
