Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
